Sunday, 14 February 2010

giving a Voice to Sorrow…

I'm not going to die,
I'm going home
Like a shooting star.
~ Sojourner Truth

I went into the living room and sat on the sofa. Quietly
Well it seemed quietly, because inside me I felt like a volcano about to explode. I felt like I was losing control.

After the passing of my beloved Mother some other things happened which for pragmatic reasons made me be as strong as I could.
It feels hard to express our own grief when other family members are having difficulties too. But it was a load of feelings without I even realize it.

Using our limited energy in suppressing our emotions is, for the most part, vain. We who grieve must accept the fact that we will not be as effective during the grief process as we were before. Some things will go undone; some responsibilities will not be met.
Grief is a lonely process. It is a road that is traveled single file. Time alone cannot heal the wound. There is no such thing as simply tying a knot and holding on. Grief is an active process.
There is no antidote for grief. There is no short-cut to recovery. Each of us grieve differently, and the time we need will differ, as well. We must give ourselves permission to grieve, and take the time it requires. We must not allow those around us to rush us through the process. But we heal in community.

When a loved one dies, we also lose the part of our lifestyle that included the deceased.
So while I’m grieving for my Mother, I’m also grieving for the parts of my life that will never be the same. We wrestle with the fact that there can never again be the “normal” as we knew it. We must establish a new “normal.”

We do not “recover” in the usual sense because there cannot be a “going back to life as it was.” We must make changes or the changes make us. We must build new memories while we wrestle with the old ones.

We discover many things about ourselves as we walk this path. Certainly we learn about strengths we did not know we had, but we also learn about some weaknesses.

But I was seated on the sofa… My grief started to be as fresh as the day I lost my Mother, and it again seemed to overwhelm me. I broke out and started to cry.
And I cried and cried and yelled and cried…

The sorrow of the loss needed a voice, better than grieving in silence, far better than pretending the loss doesn't hurt.
Because it does. It always does.

It is the voice of that part of me that died with my Mother, and the voice of that part of her that yet lives through me.
It is the voice that reassured her, while she walked through the lonesome valley, that she was not truly alone.
And it is the voice that reminds me, neither am I.


12 comments:

  1. What a beautiful post - a beautiful discovery. Grief *is* an active process. But it's the hardest activity you may ever do...

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  2. So many truths here - "Loss hurts...it always does." "We must give ourselves permission to grieve." "We grieve in community." And many, many more.

    The Bible says that the process we go through and the comfort we are given comes so that we can comfort OTHER people going through it in the future. You are developing great resources to share with many, many people.

    Your mother would be proud of you.

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  3. My sweet darling I pray you comfort and hope you get a chance to focus on you to grieve as you need.
    You are such a giving,selfless person.
    I am thinking of you, here for you...
    Big hugs
    Love,
    Marian

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  4. Hi Namaste, what a lovely, if not sad post. I hope and pray that you will feel better soon. We on earth should never forget that dying is actually only the beginning of a new life in eternity, a life without grieve, sadness or fear. It is a life of pure bliss and happiness with our Heavenly Father.

    Thanks for your kind thought on my last post, always love to hear your opinion.

    Hope your week will be stunning.

    Colin.

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  5. Your ability to so clearly and beautifully articulate your process of grief is extraordinary. I am so struck by what you said about the futility of repressing/denying grief. You have given me something to think about.
    You are in my thoughts, dear You. Huge hugs and much love.xoxo

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  6. What a beautiful post,my dear Sister! As I read through it, I find a lot of feeling that we share and a lot of feelings that belong to you and you alone! You have been a care giver to both of our parents and as the time passed by they became your kids...
    They say that a parent should never bury a child... never mind a parent and a child at the same time...

    We LOVE YOU very much and we are with you at all times...
    Kisses,

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  7. Hi there-a very moving post and you are in my thoughts and prayers, do take care xx

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  8. Hi Sweetie!!!
    How are you?? I hope it's all ok!!!
    Love & Kiss*

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  9. My deepest sympathies about your mother. I had not been on your blog in a while and was unaware of the passing of your mother. That was a really great blog entry. I feel your pain. A friend of mine mother just passed away on February 5th and I've been trying to be there for her since I lost my mom a year and a half ago. The whole thing just brought back a lot of feeling of grief. I tell you that prior to this year there was not one day that I did not shred a tear over my mother. I lost a mother and a best friend. We did so many things together so there is still a huge void in my life. But we know that mothers want their children to be strong and to keep going and take care of the family members that have survived them be it grandchildren, sibling, aunts, etc. I know my mother would not want me to be so distaught and sadden my her not being here, only time can fix that, yes the grieving process is very important.

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  10. My dear, my thoughts are with you in the difficult time!

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  11. Today, the day that I happened to read this post which you made almost a year ago, today I lost my grandmother. I know it was her time, and I knew it was coming, yet I still find myself wracked with loss.

    I hope, now, almost a year later, that you are finding some peace for yourself. My sympathies to you, and thank you for this post. To find this today, to read this today, was helpful to me. Thank you.

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  12. sorry to hear of the loss of your Mom. I lost my Mom 15 years ago and their are times when I find myself missing the small things, like her loving touch or her warm hug. Keep those memories alive, write them down, talk about them. She'll live on within you!

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