Sunday, 14 March 2010

I'm in trouble... tears are words that can’t be spoken… and love lives on...

As a student of spiritual things I have my convictions and beliefs.
They tell me that death of the physical body is only a transition - an exhale of breath from one life form to another, a move from human to spirit.

If we can't see them, does it mean that the spirits of loved ones are not here with us?

Sometimes we experience things that let us know that they are near, that we're not alone.

So shouldn’t my spiritual beliefs protect me?

But loss is a very physical thing. As spirits living in physical bodies, we have no choice but to experience grief.

Death is not the only thing that generates grief. Everyday things we deal with can also bring about grieving, such as the loss of a job, loss of a friendship, a child moving away from home, moving house, divorce, illness, etc. Each of these things has their own way of creating pain. As the level of pain depends on where they fall on our scale of importance, any one of them can be quite devastating.

Grief is its own animal. It's a living, breathing thing that cannot be suppressed forever, and there are consequences in trying.

I experienced this myself recently when I discovered how easily our physicality and our human emotions can hide from our spiritual selves.

After the passing of my beloved Mother in less than a month my Mother-in-law also passed away and for many reasons I tried to be as strong as I could.
Often being strong requires that we not feel our emotions, especially pain, anger, sorrow and grief. When we suppress our emotions, unfortunately we deny that a part of ourselves exists. This denial may eventually lead us to feeling powerless in our lives. We may become overwhelmed as we try to keep our feelings under control.
As I mentioned before, grief is its own animal, and there are consequences to trying to suppress it, whether they manifest consciously or subconsciously. Suppressing emotions in the physical body will make the physical body sick. This is a fact.

Loss in our lives - whether it is the death of a loved one or a change of condition or situation - is still loss. There is no way to get around it: loss is loss.

My biggest clue that I’m in trouble was when I found myself holding my breath and experiencing a perpetual feeling of motion. If I breathed deeply it would get better, but the next thing I knew I was holding my breath again and the perpetual feeling of motion came back stronger than before.
Crying for no apparent reason, starting to sweat with just the thought of going to work, asthma attacks, depression symptoms and the feeling that I can’t focus signify that I’m not functioning well.
Furthermore I feel that some people (not Hubby) are pressuring me (whether it’s real or a construction of my mind) to rush through the process.
I say we must not allow that, but it’s easier to say…

Grief can be a very lonely experience. It is our own personal pain, whether the experience of the loss of a loved one is shared between siblings or a whole community, our feeling of grief is a shared experience, yet also our very own personal one.

No one can hand us a tear...they come from inside us.

Only those of us who have felt the extreme pain of loss can truly understand how it feels. Just how painful it can become with every passing day. Each day that passes can leave us feeling more and more alone.

Facing loss and accepting it in appropriate, healthy ways is necessary to maintain our health, balance and ability to function in the physical world.
Although it may feel that there is no repair and that it is way too painful to even try to repair, there is a healing power. Within the deep pain of grief, there is healing. Sometimes it may not seem that way - but we grieve in order that we might heal, if the emotions of the grief are released.

Grief is not forever - love lives on beyond goodbye - and so our love lives on.

13 comments:

  1. What a beautiful heart touching deeply true post.Wishing you comfort and love as you move through the journey of loss
    Linda

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  2. Solo para saludarte querida amiga. Espero que todo se vaya pasando poco a poco como la propia vida.
    Ahora tengo poco tiempo.
    Besos

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  3. You are very wise to identify and pay attention to your grief and the forms it takes. Do take your time. Receive it as the unexpected gift that it is - a measure of your love for your mother, gratitude for life, and a pointer to the Giver of Life who also offers comfort to meet each sorrow.

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  4. Eu acredito nisso tudo.
    Realmente é muito difícil nos equilibrarmos depois de um turbilhão de emoções.
    Mas é estremamente necessário voltarmos à nossa rotina e tentarmos nos harmonizar.
    Blessings
    Namastê
    Beijo!

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  5. As Linda so well says,you are moving through the journey of loss, and grieving is one of the stages.

    Both Mom and Dad were a big part of your daily life and your focus was on them. I am sure that they are still there with you in spirit and if you ask them they will give you the strength to go on. Take the time you need to grieve and know that we are here for you no matter what you need or how long it takes.
    Lots of Love from Toronto!

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  6. This was so well written and I'm sure it will be very inspirational to all that are going through some sense of loss. For the loss of self has been a very difficult challenge for me - but one that I am determined to overcome, no matter how long it may take. I hope that my journey one day will inspire others , as you have. I invite you to visit my blog at attitudeIVlife.blogspot.com
    may something there inspire you.S.

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  7. Loss is something that everything would be gone for someone. But for the others, they accept it even little by little just to make them stronger than before. And stronger to face their situation. Hope you can move to your next journey of facing the loss of your love ones. Keep safe and stay healthy Mama Seeker.

    Jules
    Soloden.Com
    The Brown Mestizo

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  8. This is so touching. Hope you are ok and feel good. Just bare in mind, we are here to support you in any ways. Stay healthy.

    April
    Stories from a Teenage Mom
    Mom on the Run

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  9. @out of the mist:
    Hola...es muy difícil, nos deja muy vulnerables y casi sin fuerzas, no sé como estaría en su lugar...Hay que vivir cada hora y cada momento, intentando constantemente encontrar lo que nos mueve...;casi siempre estas situaciones son tan tremendas que cambian el rumbo de algunas cosas...pero imagino lo dificil que es...Es un momento para brevemente iniciar algo que despierte nuestro interés...y volver a la vida, aprovecharla...ponderar nuestra situación y mover o cambiar lo que haya que cambiar, lo que haya que mover...en esta nueva etapa, porque es una nueva etapa.
    Estoy aquí...si algun día necesite conversar un poco, puede contar conmigo, de verdad.
    Que Dios le dé mucha fuerza, la tengo en mis oraciones.

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  10. Hi darling!
    Since I've experienced loss , death of closed ones and other depressing experiences I know quite well what you are going through right now. The process shouldn't be suppressed, just like you said, but rather be a passing phase. Just think about your mother and whether she would want you to be depressed and crying and feeling down? would she?! I'm sure you know the answer to that. So pick yourself up and try to live LIFE to the fullest, while we can!

    xx
    Mimi

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  11. This has to be the most amazing post you've ever written. It is warm, heartfelt, thoughtful, and ever so true.

    I still, even after 9 years, miss my parents immensely. I lost them within a month and a half of each other, first Daddy, then Mom. It was devastating to say the least. But I thank God that He knows my needs, emotionally and physically, and sent me only the people who could help me through my grieving period. I like to say that God removed all the junk and left me only the jewels.

    I pray He does the same for you and your spouse. May God bless and keep you and may He cause Heaven to shine upon you and heal your heart.

    Love to you and yours.

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  12. Oh my sweet angel,

    My heart just aches for you as you experience this grief. I truly do feel that tears are the body's way of releasing hurt and the soul's way of cleansing and healing our "bodies" - physical, mental and emotional.

    You must allow yourself the permission to grieve in whatever way feels natural for you. So sob and weep if your body calls for it, and let no one convince you to rush through it, feel guilty for feeling it still, or that your expression of it is anything less than completely appropriate.

    Take comfort in the knowing that love is eternal and that you will be with your loved ones again. Until then, enjoy the memories of them ... they live on in you!

    Much love,
    Roxy
    xo

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